The Truth About Cats and Dogs

NOEL- You like him and he likes you.  Don't pretend you don't.  
ABBY- I don't!
NOEL- Did you hear what he said to you?  I wish a guy would say that to me.
ABBY-He did say it to you.
NOEL-No he didn't.  He really said it to you and you've confused everything because you're a scaredy-cat.
ABBY-I may be somewhat trepidatious, yes, I'm not some big, dumb dog that goes bounding after the first guy she sees.
NOEL-I'm not dumb!
ABBY-I didn't mean that.
NOEL-Besides, you're the dummy.
ABBY-I am?
NOEL-Yeah.  Nice guy like that with that accent, arty, and you won't even have a drink with him? 
ABBY-He has a preconceived notion...you.  Then he sees me.  Over. 
NOEL-I love the way you look. You've got a pretty face.  You're a celebrity.
ABBY- I don't expect you to understand this.  You burp, guys think it's adorable.  You puke and they line up ti hold your hair back.  
NOEL-I can tell you for a fact that's not true.  When's the last time you had sex?
ABBY-Three years.
NOEL-Really?  Three years, no sex?
ABBY-One can survive.  This is the electronic age.
NOEL-But even cats have more sex than that, don't they?
ABBY-Not mine.  Are you going to eat that?
NOEL-I don't eat.
ABBY-You don't eat.  You ordered it.   
NOEL-I love to order, I love menus.  But I got to keep the calories down.
ABBY-How can you live like that?
NOEL-Do you believe you are what you eat?  
ABBY-I guess.
NOEL-See, that's what scares me. I don't eat anything so I can look good on the outside.  But on the inside, there's nothing. 
ABBY-Oh I see.
NOEL-Whereas you, on the other hand, you're very rich.
ABBY-Thank you. 
NOEL-Do you hearing a bzzzzing?
ABBY-It's a bee.
NOEL-Is that a bee?  Bee bee bee bee! 
GUY-I'll get it.  [Swats all over the place like crazy]  It's dead.
NOEL-No kidding.
GUY-I killed it.
NOEL-You certainly did.
GUY-You're going to be alright now, so...
ABBY-She's fine.  We're fine. Everybody's fine, right?  Great, thank you.
NOEL-Thank you.
GUY-Thank you.
NOEL-What's wrong, Abby?
ABBY-Nothing that a rooftop and an AK-47 won't take care of.